I joined the Marines because that is all I ever wanted to be. I did however lie about my age to do so. I was only sixteen when I signed up, a fact that would come up latter because of a security check I was going through.
I made it through training and was given my orders to go to Vietnam. In fact I requested to go. I served in the third Marines in Northern I Corps.
While I was on patrol with my squad our point man came running back and said we had movement coming at us. We had been told that there were no good guys in our area. We set up a quick ambush. It was so quiet, not even birds were making any sounds. All of a sudden you could see and hear Vietnamese talking and the jungle gave up straw hats moving thru the bush. It was strange but we all opened up at the same time without a command being given.
In front of me I saw two hats moving fast, I was the last one on that end I could not let them get away. I opened fire on full auto and I saw them go down, in fact I saw one of the hats go flying upwards. It seemed to float in the air before it started down. I kept firing with two more mags until I heard to cease fire. Everything went quiet and stayed that way for what seemed like forever.
The jungle was so thick you could not see any movement at all or any dead laying around. I could not see the man next to me and he was no more than ten feet away. I kept my rifle aimed at where I thought they might be, at any small sound I thought I heard. After some time went by the command was given to check for dead.
As I moved down to where I last saw movement I thought why did they not return fire? We were finding bodies everywhere. It turned out to be four old men, ten women, three little kids. Two of the men had men had knives but none had any weapons. About this time one of them let out a groan and was quickly dispatched. Then I heard a baby cry. It was laying under its mother, a person I had shot. Something inside me said what the **** did I do?
“What happens in the bush stays in the bush.”
As I went to help the baby I heard a bolt go home, then a small burst of fire, then the baby stopped crying. I snapped, started to swear at people, but the squad said things like, “What happens in the bush stays in the bush.”
I was lost and just out of it for days, All I could think of was that baby. I could not sleep, not that we got much sleep to begin with. I could not eat. I was there in body but not in brain.
I was sent back on patrol two days latter. I guess I was not looking where I was walking and fell off the side of a hill. I was lucky that a tree stopped my fall. Both legs were on either side of the tree. I was in great pain, my groin was swelling. They tried to have a bird to come air lift me out, but the jungle was too thick to get me and they could not land. I had to walk back up the hill to base camp.
The next morning a chopper took me to a hospital ship off the coast of Danang. I still could not sleep and I told a Navy Doctor what had happened. All hell broke loose and it all got put on me. It is to say that I should have stayed quiet.
I got shipped to Japan then back to the States. I was still so mad that no one cared what happened to those people. I said I was going to tell the press. The next thing I knew I was on the nut ward. They gave me thorazine to calm me down. Then I went in front of a medical review board. They gave me a medical discharge with a 33% disabled. Of which I never got a penny.
The V.A. is no better. I have had a kidney removed because of Agent Orange. They say I have PTSD, but I do not get anything for it.
Every time I file a claim I am denied compensation. I never got my medals. I was told I should thank God that I did not go to the brig for lying about my age.
All of this I have had to live with till now. The only person I have told any of this to was my wife and she, like all of you, does not know it all.
Now when people say thanks for my service, I want to say F*** you so bad but I do not. I say nothing at all.
I told this story (that I can back up with records} to let people know what I got for doing the right thing. This is what I put my life on the line for. I know I was young, but at sixteen I had the guts to answer the call when others did not.
I still pray for those people. Killing is easy. Living with it is not.