Vietnam Journal
1968-1969
Recent Traumatic Experiences Examined
Chaplain (LTC) Grover G. DeVault U.S. Army, Retired
A phone call from a close friend told me to go look at the television and see what was going on. I was in my study and never watched T.V. during those hours of the day. Having witnessed the television episode of September 11, 2001 at the World Trade Center Towers in New York City, the Pentagon disaster and the crash in the field in Western Pennsylvania, a renewal of grief, shock and stress occurred in my spirit. I had a sense of stark, uncontrollable fear, the terrifying din of war swirled around in my head which defies description.
My four adult daughters called me by phone that day and asked, “Dad, are you alright?” They knew how deeply my Post Traumatic Shock Disorder affected me. Watching the events unfold on television and knowing of the death and removal of bodies brought new intrusive ideas and unbidden feelings in my innermost spirit. Once again there is that persistent and unrelieved stress that cannot be avoided daily just as it was in my daily experienced in Vietnam. The feelings of the lack of any security came back again since my safety and life seemed in jeopardy. I recall those days filled with anxiety not knowing just when or where I might be attacked again! Nights have been filled with aggravated nightmares and feelings of helplessness and anxiety. Shocking perceptions and dreams re-occur from the Vietnam area experiences and events as they transpired in my own personal experience during my exposure to combat in Vietnam during years of combat during the 1968-69 period.
“Dad, are you alright?”
To cite but one example, the men of my unit, the 80th General Support in Danang operated the Graves Registration Unit and the mortuary in Danang. This unit under the direction of trained professional embalmers (some 13 civilians under government contract) as well as military men from the Graves Registration of the Quartermaster Corps performed duties close to our location. Every day they faced unbelievable conditions of living that I witnessed. These were difficult days for me emotionally and continue to be so. The causalities were at their maximum during this period, (68-69) with as many as 350 bodies a month coming into the mortuary to be processed. They came to us in trucks, ambulances, planes, helicopters and some just carried in by troops. Many of those men who delivered them often had never seen a dead body before or casualties in such horrific condition. (The fireman, policemen and medics of New York are facing the same experience.) The men assigned to process these bodies, or what was left of these bodies, as they were horribly disfigured and badly decomposed, had little experience in identification. My early life experience was of gave value to me. When I was just 14-16 years old I had some experience in seeing dead people and removing them from homes. I worked as an apprentice at a funeral home in Plainfield, New Jersey and had brought in bodies from homes to the funeral home; however I had never seen bodies in such squalid condition. This was due to the result of war, the ill treatment of the Viet Cong, NVA and deplorable condition of prisons. This type experience brought great pain to me mentally, emotionally, and even physically. I grew attached to these soldiers and loved each one who had given up his life for his country. I can recall throwing up many times at sights, smells and sounds, not however within sight of my fellow troopers. I thought at the time that I could handle it. I have discovered more recently, that triggers such as the sight and smell of raw meat, decomposition, certain smells and odd factors will bring on flashbacks as if I were still there and experiencing those scenes. This has affected my current efficiency and ability to be productive in my profession as a minister of the Gospel and thus ministering to others and functioning as a team member. This accounted for the times I became hostile towards all persons in authority over me.
Adding to this stress and rage is the constant reminder of the devaluing of human life, both now, and during the whole Viet Nam war. Today’s terrorists have the same view of life as did the VC and NVA. The general public never appears to understand the Viet Nam war, but treats it with confusion, apathy, estrangement, and disfavor. I have felt only a sense of disconnection and loss of moral values leading to personal anger. For years I have suppressed that anger which grows within; an anger that I feel towards those in authority and in politics that initiated that useless war and wasted so many young lives. My experience at my return to the United States following my service is that no one appreciates the sacrifice so many of us had made. My “welcome” back to the U.S. was an experience of being spit upon at the airport upon arrival. I was in uniform and had to have it cleaned prior to seeing my wife and family upon my return home. How can I explain my feelings of anger enough at that incident?
I fainted, right there and then in his office!
I experienced a significant personal loss on one of my regular routine duty visits on June 8, 1969, just prior to my scheduled return to the States. It was early morning and upon arrival at the Danang Mortuary, some 25 minutes from my compound, I received a call saying a chaplain was killed. Upon my arrival Lt. William Grafe informed me he had just received the body of an U.S. Army chaplain but the identification of the chaplain was unknown. He did know that he was wearing his dog tags and when he went into the morgue to check on his identity he re-entered his office. Upon notifying me of who the chaplain was I fainted, right there and then in his office!
The dead chaplain was one of my very best friends, Chaplain [Major] Don Bartley, a Presbyterian minister. He was killed on his way to visit with me, that very day. Chaplain Bartley had been reassigned from the 196th Light Inf. Brig. to Mac V Headquarter in order to do a filming documentary on chaplains in Vietnam for the Armed Forces Network at my chapel in China Beach, Danang. He had previously called on the phone from his location saying he was to meet me that evening. His ¾ ton truck had run over a landmine and blown up all five men with him. This was such a shock to me and so unbelievable, what a tragedy!
With tears streaming down my face I held a memorial service, right there in the mortuary, gathering all those in the mortuary. It was conducted in his memory and for his wonderful wife; Kathy and their two children at home in Rockbridge Baths, Virginia. He was an outstanding chaplain, and on the promotion list for Lieutenant Colonel in advance of others. The question that faced me was; why did he have to die? I felt again, what a waste of lives this whole war is!
Why did he have to die?
One of my more difficult tasks was to come to the aid and support the troops who worked at the Mortuary. None of these men performed tasks that anyone would desire to perform. I can’t blame them, for neither did I want to have to go to the mortuary and view the bodies of those young men killed in action. These troops however needed me, and they need to know they were accepted and loved by those who observed their daily tasks. They needed to know that God had a purpose for them; He had created them, loved them and sent His Son to demonstrate His love for them. Back in the mess hall other troops would call them names like “body baggers” and other names that I cannot mention. Some could not take it and as a result the shunning got to them. I’d tell them, this is an important job for the folks back at home and for these whose bodies you are caring for. I said to them, “This is a task in the U.S. Army you cannot quit.” Handling the preparation of those bodies affected everyone who had that experience. I cannot forget these traumatic events which haunt me and will for the rest of my life. It would be wonderful if I could write that I have made great strides forward in my own grief and sorrow, but I can’t. I am patriotic and believe in prayer, but the culprit of shame and the guilt come anew with the recent events taking place in New York and Washington D.C. and southwest Pennsylvania. I can only imagine what it must be like for those men with PTSD who have no God as a resource.
Today we are engaged in another war! New questions, new anxieties, new fear all over again. Is this war really necessary? What will be the outcome? Can we trust the authorities? I cannot help but have recollections of the Vietnam War. It is bigger than life to me, still!
I recall what Dr. Stuart Harverson said: “Just as fragrant lilies bloom from the foulest mud, even so things of eternal value and heavenly beauty are blossoming out of the suffering and sacrifice of war in Vietnam.” “Doctor in Vietnam”; Lutterworth Press, London, England, 1968. Page 8.
Ggd: Vietnam Journal, Recent Experiences Examined, Post-Traumatic Stress, May 5, 2017.
Rev. Dr. Grover G. DeVault
Lancaster, PA 17601